hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You may now shotgun with the bride
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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