Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
