and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
