If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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