Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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