My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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