thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
