dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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