quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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