if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
