You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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