Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
