That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love having hate sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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