5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
