Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
