You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
