I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
