So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
