...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
