Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
