I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
