Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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