oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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