if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
