508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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