This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
