High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
