giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
