My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
