She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
