It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
