we made out on top of his cat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
