there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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