i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
