I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it's like iHOP with fire
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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