There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
