he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
