guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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