Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
