he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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