There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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