Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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