I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
