i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
