Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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