someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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