real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
