your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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