I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
