It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
